I submit that few of us know and most of us are falling to one side or another of unhealth. On one side we exercise very little self-reliance, which means if we are not relying on self, we are relying on others. On the other side is an overabundance of self-reliance where we rely almost exclusively on ourselves and hardly at all on others. So is there a happy medium? Or are there some aspects of our lives where we should be super self-reliant and other areas where we should seek out help? This is why I brought on Maha Abouelenein, as her new book is titled, 7 Rules of Self-Reliance: How to Stay Low, Keep Moving, Invest in Yourself, and Own Your Future. Maha is a personal branding expert, CEO and founder of global communications consulting firm Digital and Savvy, and a best-selling author. She has a long, impressive pedigree of success in the corporate world in the Middle East and in America, but none of it is why I brought her on the show. Maha had a challenging upbringing that gave her every reason to be a victim and not practice self-reliance. And she’s experienced the consequences of unhealthy self-reliance on both sides. My focus was taking on the topic of self-reliance to understand how we are doing it poorly, and how to do it with greater success. Find her at mahaabouelenein.com/

In this episode we’re talking about trust. In today’s culture more than ever, trust is the number one asset of success. But we are often failing to gain people’s trust, and we don’t understand why. We inherently think of trust as something you have and are, or don’t have and are not. Most everyone hearing this will believe themselves to be trustworthy because they are honest, moral people who live with integrity. But you are about to hear eight aspects of trust you must intentionally and proactively engage in if you want to really be viewed as trustworthy and benefit from it in your life and business. If you have a business, it takes more than you think to create loyal clients and get their referrals. It takes more than you just having good character and being honest. David Horsager is with me and this is his devotion and area of mastery. He’s CEO of the Trust Edge Leadership Institute, and national bestselling author of The Trust Edge.

I find people who are seeking to evolve personally, greatly desire to contribute to humanity. The people in need are endless and there are global plights that we feel impotent to address. What I’ve come to learn is how much good we can do with our simple grocery store purchases. This isn’t an ad, just my normal curiosity in evolving myself and maturing my impact in this world. Paul Rice founded Fair Trade and just came out with a book about it. I’ve known vaguely about Fair Trade but didn’t realize what it really meant. In this conversation you’ll hear Paul’s story about living in Nicaragua for a decade to help small coffee farmers. Then coming back to America to create Fair Trade and how it helps people and really doesn’t cost us any more. You can literally walk into your grocery store and look for a product like cherry tomatoes, and for no greater price, buy the ones with the Fair Trade stamp, and know you are helping a truckload of people live a sustainable life and treat the earth well. You’ll learn all you need about converting some of your purchases to Fair Trade, right in this episode. I also really enjoyed getting to know Paul. I may be joining him in Costa Rica later in the year to visit some coffee farmers and work to spread the message. His new book is, Every Purchase Matters: How Fair Trade Farmers, Companies, And Consumers Are Changing The World. I found the book intriguing, but you can engage right now by looking for Fair Trade products in your next grocery trip.

I’m skeptical of any claim of a “formula” regarding personal evolution. And you’ll notice I say “a formula” and not “the formula.” But many things can be boiled down to some core ingredients. The difference in my opinion is this formula is less like a cooking recipe you just easily mix and bake and is more like an intense formulaic math equation you must diligently work out. I feel Steven Kotler does a masterful job of deducing peak performance down into its essence and from it you can see where you need to give focus and attention and work. Steven is a New York Times-bestselling author, an award-winning journalist and the Executive Director of the Flow Research Collective. He is one of the world’s leading experts on human performance and has become very well known for his insight on flow state. Steven has authored multiple bestsellers, including The Future is Faster Than You Think, Stealing Fire, The Rise of Superman, and Bold and Abundance. His work has been nominated for two Pulitzer Prizes and translated into over 40 languages. The following conversation happened after he published The Art of Impossible and I bring it back to you again because it’s worth revisiting.

Sumit Paul-Choudhury shares that in his childhood he somewhat lost faith in mankind after starkly coming to the realization that not everyone is kind, good, and caring. Sumit went on to pursue science, technology, and the future. He became Editor-in-Chief of New Scientist, trained as an astrophysicist, and received a Sloan Fellowship in strategy and leadership from the London Business School. Then his wife died and on that day, he became an optimist. It was a life reset for him and optimism became his area of focus and research. Sumit has now written a book, The Bright Side: How Optimists Change the World, and How You Can Be One. I was raised in an optimistic home and while I side with optimism, I'm also sensitive to the concept of toxic positivity. So I sat down to hear Sumit's story and learn more about his research. He cites that in today's culture, it can feel "darkly glamorous to think it’s the end of the world. There is kind of a seduction to it." And yet his research shows that optimism simply breeds more opportunity for us. So he's using his research to help us understand what healthy optimism is and how to harness it consciously and healthfully. Find Sumit’s book, The Bright Side, anywhere, and connect with him at alternity.com

Failure is a popular topic in the self-improvement world, but I feel it's generally addressed like a motivational talk. Don't let failure get you down. It's part of life. It's not failing, it's trying. Which is why I was interested when I heard about Manu Kapur (Man-oo kapoor) work on failure, who is a professor at the same university where Einstein attended and then taught. Manu studies learning and growth from a scientific standpoint and actually developed the Theory of Productive Failure, which is the name of his new book. He approaches failure completely differently. Not as something to cope with as if it happens, but something to make sure happens. And without it we have less understanding. The point isn't really even failing, but understanding. Example. I have two kids with permits right now. These are the 6th and 7th kids I've taught to drive. We have the benefit of living out on forest roads, so they can start driving with a little more freedom. I don't tell them how to do everything. I give them the basics to get started, then they get going and...I try to stay silent. Let them look around and figure things out. I take them into a wet or snowy parking lot and have them turn till they slide. It's amazing how much better they drive when they figure out for themselves. Even them asking me instead of me telling them. This is some of the essence of Manu's research and findings. You're about to hear some paradigm shifting perspective on using and leveraging failure to help your mastery, and like me, I think it will make perfect sense to you.

I don’t normally gravitate towards people with the huge followings and big brand personalities. But I also like a good, down to earth story of personal evolution, and this is one I’m bringing back. A few years ago I got to have a long conversation with Chalene Johnson. We recorded a couple of shows and talked for hours longer about our sordid fitness and athletic journeys. Chalene literally holds a Guinness World Record for having starred in the most fitness videos. An odd title to me, and one she questions as well. It’s part of her story. She’s a billboard ad for being fit, trim, and sexy. And yet along the way to achieving this, she hurt herself, physically and mentally. She was selling an image and killing herself to maintain it. Today she is still leading women to looking good, but feeling good as well. And one of the reasons so many people connect to her is her openness about her journey. If she realizes she’s been wrong about something, she admits it. When she tries something that doesn’t work, she shares it. We talk through her story some and lead up to to her having a big health decline that included debilitating brain fog, mood swings, and chronic pain and injuries. This is what started her questioning of the diet and fitness industry she was helping promote. She taught herself to read scientific studies and wisely evaluate the research.

We all think we know what self-talk is. But I think we miss the gravity of it. I’m reminded of the joke where one fish asks another fish "how's the water?" The other fish replies, "what the heck is water?" We were never introduced to our own self-talk, it was there since the day we were conceived to varying degrees. We are not necessarily conscious of it. In this episode we expand on self-talk to help you conceptualize how it is your very perception of life. My guest is Marianne Renner. I’ve gotten to know Marianne well over the last year and she has a real story of not only changing her self-talk, but transforming herself in a way that she can’t really even recognize the person she used to be. She lost her mom at an early age and was left with a broken hearted father. She fell into addiction. She considered ending her life. Even tried. And then had one of those divine moments of clarity. To me it is akin to the fish all of the sudden realizing it was in water. Marianne has not just changed her life, she has changed the very essence of the person she is, and she’s thriving. She has a new book coming out, Self-Talk: 10 Stories You Tell Yourself That Hold You Back…And How to Overcome Them. On a personal side, one of Marianne’s mentors in her journey to remake herself and her life, was my father. Dan Miller. He encouraged her to write a book. She did, completing it right around the time my Dad died. She had him in mind to write the forward to her book. But in his absence, she asked me to carry on the legacy. I am incredibly honored to have written a heartfelt forward for Marianne’s book. I’m honored for multiple reasons, the top one being, I feel this is a message we all desperately need. If you’ll go to mariannerenner.com/selftalk, you can get the first three chapters of her book absolutely free.

Mentors. Chances are slim you have someone who really fills the role. These days people will tend to cite their favorite authors and philosophers and influences as their mentors. And to that degree, I’d say that almost everyone in my life “mentors” me, as I learn from everyone. But I really define a mentor as someone who literally knows you and is invested in helping guide you. We used to have this in families where we lived in a village and closely amongst family and friends. We had grandparents, aunts and uncles and even neighbors who were truly involved in our lives. Today, we are isolated. A few years ago I sat down with Ken Blanchard, famous business and personal leader. Ken authored The One Minute Manager which is a business classic and has sold more than 15 million copies. But this conversation wasn’t about management. It was about mentoring. Ken became the mentor for Claire Diaz-Ortiz, who is an author, speaker and innovation advisor who was an early employee at Twitter. She was named one of the 100 Most Creative People in Business by Fast Company and called “The Woman Who Got the Pope on Twitter.” Clair is an award-winning author of eight books that have been published in more than a dozen countries. But the story here is Ken became a mentor to Claire, and together they co-authored a book titled, One Minute Mentoring: How to Find and Work With a Mentor - and Why You’ll Benefit from Being One. Ken asked Claire to do this book with him because he not only personally mentors her, but she in turn mentors him in regards to the younger generation. It makes an incredibly valuable perspective on the need, value and opportunity of mentoring. I bring this back because at the age of 53, I found a true mentor in my life, and it has been transformational.