Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.” This is the quote by Holocaust survivor Viktor E Frankl that headlines a new book titled, Dealing With Feeling: Use Your Emotions to Create the Life You Want. The book comes from my guest in this episode, Marc Brackett. Mark is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center, Yale School of Medicine at Yale University. Marcs research for over 25 years has focused on the role of emotions and emotional intelligence in learning, decision making, creativity, relationships, health, and performance. The quote from Viktor Frankl that came from his time in a concentration camp, and that Marc has devoted his life to, is saying that no matter what happens to us, we get to choose how we respond. And my experience of humanity is that no matter what happens to them, even great traumas, tragedies, and victimizations, what harms them more than the incident or event is how they conceive of it and how they respond. My concern is that culturally we have come into a place where we don’t believe this. We feel it is our right and it’s just, to respond to pain, with pain. And to say otherwise is actually offensive. Looking at the mental health stats these days, I don’t think this perspective is working. This is the conversation you’re about to hear with Marc Brackett. Marc previously authored the bestselling book, Permission To Feel and most recently, along with Pinterest co-founder Ben Silbermann, Marc and his team co-created the Apple award-winning app, HowWeFeel, that was designed to teach emotion skills and enhance well-being.

We are at an all time high of mental illness diagnoses. Some argue the reason is better diagnostic methods, others because we are just increasing in mental un-health. The discussion in this episode is in regards to the prevalence of mental diagnoses and the impact on individuals. In Brene Brown’s bestselling book, Atlas of the Heart, she outlines 87 different emotions that are in and of themselves, normal and healthy. But when do we go over the line from normal to abnormal? From feeling some depression to being clinically depressed? Having anxiety or an anxiety disorder? Do we need or want an official diagnosis so we can get needed help? Or do we want to deny and boycott any such limiting label? I’ve brought on an expert to discuss it. Sarah Fay is an author, educator, and activist on the issue and has a book titled, Pathological: The True Story of Six Misdiagnoses. Sarah from a young age displayed some unhealthy behaviors and was diagnosed, labeled, and treated. Over the next 30 years she went on to have multiple clinical diagnoses and labels for Anorexia, Major depressive disorder, Anxiety disorder, Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, Obsessive compulsive disorder, Bipolar disorder, and has also dealt with alcoholism, being a compulsive exerciser, and many bouts being suicidal. You name the drug, she’s been prescribed it and taken it. Today…she is well, though still accepting of a couple diagnoses and medications, but has much to educate and warn us about regarding our current culture which has nearly half of all Americans being given an official, clinical diagnosis during their lifetime. Sarah Fay writes for many publications, including The New York Times, The Atlantic, Time, and The Paris Review. She is also on the faculty at Northwestern University. She’s the founder of Pathological: The Movement, and you can her at sarahfay.org.

We all know the saying and the truth of how much we judge a book by its cover. I feel it is a dramatic metaphor for much of humanity. And I don’t minimize it either. I feel it’s our responsibility to address our “book covers.” I feel we are in a culture that gives a lot of attention to physical aesthetics. Whether it’s how we look or the car we drive or the phone we have and clothes we wear and on and on. But I amaze myself with what seems a stark lack of attention to what’s behind the physical accouterments. A big one is how we talk. How we communicate. My guest is communication expert, Michael Chad Hoeppner. Michael is an adjunct professor at Columbia Business School and the CEO and president of GK Training, a firm dedicated to giving individuals and organizations better communication skills. He is a speaking coach to…a long list of incredibly impressive people and organizations. Michael is alone a leader among a growing chorus of voices identifying the link between the physical aspects of spoken communication and broader issues of health and wellness. He has a new book titled, Don’t Say Um: How to Communicate Effectively to Live a Better Life. But as you’ll hear, the title is a bit tongue in cheek. The concepts we discuss go far deeper than our cultural propensity to say, “um, er, like, and you know.” How we speak often gets us judged, for better or worse, much more than what we speak. But we don’t get it. We are intent on what we are saying and talking about and miss how we are delivering it. But how we are communicating really does bely who we are. Using filler words and not addressing our body language doesn’t just make us sound dumb, it honestly questions what level of personal security and confidence we actually have.

Here are three very popular topics that I don't think that many people are really driven by; Sell! Control! Lead! My experience however, is we all desperately want the ability to positively influence other people. We have people we care about. A world we care about. We have ideas and solutions we care about for addressing the pain and suffering in the world. We want to be able to impart value to others. This is what influence is. The definition of influence is, "The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something." A few years ago I sat down with Zoe Chance to discuss what influence really is and how to increase our personal influence. Zoe teaches the most popular class at the Yale School of Management, titled, “Mastering Influence and Persuasion." Her research on behavioral economics, neuroscience, and psychology has been published in top academic journals and covered by the Harvard Business Review, The Economist, BBC, Time, Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The New York Times. Zoe's TEDx talk, How to Make a Behavior Addictive, has more than 700k views. Before coming to Yale, she earned a doctorate in marketing at Harvard and managed a $200 million segment of the Barbie brand at Mattel. From Zoe’s Yale course, “Mastering Influence and Persuasion,” she wrote a book that caught my attention, INFLUENCE IS YOUR SUPERPOWER: The Science of Winning Hearts, Sparking Change, and Making Good Things Happen. Following is our discussion about what influence is, and is not and how to deftly wield influence so you can have the positive impact on the world you desire. Find the book, Influence Is Your Superpower anywhere you buy books and connect with Zoe at zoechance.com

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes". Said Benjamin Franklin. What are death and taxes? Arguably, losses. What is trauma and tragedy? I submit they are losses. And I feel we generally go about our lives, day in and day out, trying to avoid losses. Hoping "that doesn't happen to me." And yet, it's going to happen. We will have a financial fall. We will have a once beloved relationship end. We will have a car wreck or house fire or disease. Almost 100% of people will agree it's wise to have money in savings, just in case. Why don't we have emotional understanding and strength in savings, for the loss that will come? My guest is Colin Campbell. On March 14, 2023 Colin and his wife were driving their car, both in the front seats. In the back were their two teenagers, Ruby & Hart. A woman who was driving drunk went through an intersection doing 90 miles per hour and never saw them or braked. She hit the car right at the passenger doors. And Ruby and Hart died that day, while Colin and his wife were able to walk away from the crash. What followed is the dramatic amount of grief you’d likely expect. Colin says, “I always believed, deep in my heart, that my life would just keep getting better and better.” Isn’t that all of us? Waking each day hoping and really expecting things to be ok, and we won’t get the dreaded call or have the accident ourselves. Now I sure don’t want to go about expecting tragedy. But, I have recently gone through the loss of my marriage and family home, two things I literally thought were impossible. I also have nine kids and multiple grandkids. I’ve lost my arrogance to think “that won’t happen to me” and my odds are plenty high that I’ll experience more significant loss. What can I be doing now, to be prepared? This is what Colin and I discuss in depth. Colin Campbell is a writer and director for theater and film. He teaches screenwriting at Chapman University and theater at California State Polytechnic University. Campbell’s highly anticipated solo performance piece titled Grief, will be performed in Los Angeles and New York City this year. His book that I got ahold of is called Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose. Before we get started, let me give you this quote from Colin, “A profound loss is when you lose someone, and I’d add, “or something,” that you feel is entwined intrinsically with your identity. In other words you define yourself partly in terms of this other person or thing.”

Who is the authentic you? Some people feel like they remember being an authentic self at some point, and I feel many never experienced it. But I feel we all long to just be comfortable being us. What does that look like? How does it feel? Following is a conversation I had with Dr Thema Bryant. Thema is a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Pepperdine University. She’s an ordained minister in the African Methodist Episcopal Church. She earned her doctorate from Duke University and completed her postdoctoral training at Harvard Medical School. In the world of academia and psychology she is royalty. When we recorded this conversation, Thema was president-elect of the American Psychological Association. She is now president. Other top psychologists look to her for guidance. Thema has half a million people following her on instagram because she is her authentic self. You’ll find her dancing and see her efforts in-play to decolonize traditional psychology and meld science, spirituality and faith, and our very humanity. Thema has a book called, Homecoming: Healing Trauma to Reclaim Your Authentic Self, and here we take a very base look at the real world issues and hope for today’s mental health desires. Find Dr Thema Bryant’s book Homecoming anywhere and everywhere, and connect with her at drthema.com.

I feel we are experiencing a schizophrenic time in our culture where we adamantly believe in our opinions and perspectives, but we have very little true belief in ourselves. We are increasingly insecure and fragile and thus offended and threatened by everything. People seem scared of other people and I’m concerned it belies an innate fear of themselves as well. I grew up entrenched in the Christian Bible which called us to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” But what if one does not…love themselves? Can we loathe ourselves and really love anyone authentically? In this podcast I sat down with Dr. Wendi Zimmer. Wendi is a #1 bestselling author, mindset expert, professor at Texas A&M University, educational consultant, and the owner of Learning Engaged. Wendi has her own story of struggling with imposter syndrome and self-doubt for many years. She ultimately developed a system to shift her mindset through a concept of self-belief and now spends her time guiding others to do the same. Her new book is titled, Force Continuum: How to Shift Your Mindset to Transform Your Life. A main structure that we walk and talk through is 1) Mindset - what do you want to believe about yourself? 2) Identity - How do you want to be seen? 3) Habits - what do you need to do to get what you want? and 4) Energy - what do you want to spend your time doing? I felt this was a very practical concept on auditing the key areas of our lives and tactfully addressing our mindset.

As you know I seldom talk about current events on this podcast. But a few years ago I did address one. It was the 2022 Oscars where actor Will Smith slapped comedian Chris Rock. I did not see it and didn’t pay much attention, but then I saw a public statement made by Andy Andrews that caught my attention. I’ve known Andy for some time and had him on the podcast here three or so times and been a guest on his podcast. I find him sober minded and insightful, so when he addressed the event, I took it as an opportunity to discuss the concept of our actions vs our intent. More on that in a minute. If you don’t know Andy, he is a multiple New York Times best seller with his book, The Traveler’s Gift selling many millions. He’s a highly sought for and highly paid speaker, he’s spoken for, by request, four different US Presidents. The New York Times cited Andy as “someone who has quietly become one of the most influential people in America.” I know Andy as someone many big influencers turn to for wisdom. He’s a sage of life changing lessons. So here we talk about the Oscar incident. I for one, feel that someone’s motive and intent behind an action should weigh in and be considered, and failure to do so is negligent. But regardless, many people take our actions at face value and the can have grave consequences. This is our discussion in this podcast. At the time this originally aired, Andy was launching a community called Wisdom Harbour, and I wanted to have a frank discussion on what he saw as primary cultural needs and from a business interest, why he created the Wisdom Harbour community in response to it. You’ll hear much of his answer is around cultural literacy, but I’m going to take you behind the scenes on why he crafted it the way he did. Find Andy anywhere, just search for Andy Andrews.

I breathe just to live. I walk to live. I eat, drink, and sleep to live. Is there a benefit to breathing more or differently than necessary? I walk more than necessary for my health and fitness and go so far as to run quite a bit. I don’t eat and drink more for my health but I eat better and drink better. I definitely sleep more than necessary for pure survival. So even though it’s never been a focus, it makes sense that the breathing I do to keep me alive might also give me a benefit if I did more than just the minimums to do so. Breathing brings oxygen into my body. More oxygen, more benefit. As you’re about to hear, the concept of breath and breathing is an incredibly frequent term in spirituality, appearing 137 times in the Bible alone, and it is not in reference to my physiology. In this podcast I sit down with Francesca Sipma, author of Unblock Your Purpose: Breathwork, Intuition, and Flow State. She is the founder and CEO of Mastry, an online app that guides you through breathwork sessions. Francesca is also the creator of HypnoBreathwork® and a renowned international speaker who has become one of the premier personalities and advocates for the power of breathwork. I found Francesca to be very down to earth and tangible with the concept of breathwork and I’m now a client of hers as well. As you will hear, I am very interested in a method I can practice to alter and enhance my physiology and psychology, without jumping through the hoops of drugs and even plant medicine. You can find her at FrancescaSipma.com and again, the app she created that I’m now using is Mastry.