I’m back with Dr Benjamin Hardy to discuss what drives him. I just had Ben on the show for the 5th time to talk about his latest book, 10x Is Easier Than 2x, which is a psychological paradigm shifter for how we look at making progress. But this is a special episode. I had Ben on a show with me in 2019 where he made a reference to his childhood where he was 19 years old, barely made it out of high school, his very religious parents had divorced and walked away from their faith, his dad became a meth addict, and Ben was spending 14 hours per day playing World of Warcraft. To hear that rocked my world a good bit. Here I was trying to raise kids with work ethic, morals, experience and desire, and Ben had none of it at age 19. Yet he went on and in a fairly short amount of time, turned his life around and was getting six figure deals for his books and living a life of all around great success. I had him come back to talk with me in December of 2020 to unpack the story and understand what took him from zero to hero. What he shared became the lead story in my book, What Drives You, and right here and now you’re going to go hear the initial, raw discussion.

We’re talking about how the impossible goal is actually easily and more attainable than the possible goal. Why doubling your income in a year, for instance, can be easier than increasing it by 5 or 10%. This is not some motivational hype, and to prove the point I have with me, Dr Benjamin Hardy. This is the fourth time I’ve had Ben on the show, first with his book Willpower Doesn’t Work which is one of my top shelf go to books you’ve heard me reference many times. Then his book, Personality Isn’t Permanent which is another Hallmark book for me. However, it was in a show about what drives Ben that I heard his personal story, which became the lead off story in my new book, What Drives You. Ben is just a brilliant mind. His blog is read by millions every month and he is just a master and distilling out paradigm shifting concepts that radically change our lives. Lately he’s also been co authoring books with renowned business coach, Dan Sullivan. Their latest is called 10x is easier than 2x: How World-Class Entrepreneurs Achieve More By Doing Less.

I wrap up our series on Emotional Power with the Big Idea, The Big Takeaway & The Big Action, after incredible discussions with Dr Julia Digangi, author of Energy Rising - The Neuroscience of Leading With Emotional Power and Britt Frank, author of The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Inertia To Find Your Path Forward. Here I’m taking the opportunity to pull out some of the primary issues I see us blind to as a culture regarding emotions. For context, I’m now focused on a goal of emotional mastery. Or you could say, spending the rest of my life endeavoring to better master my emotions. I’d ask you to think about it like mastering a team of majestic horses; you do so by gently, yet firmly, joining with them and nurturing them along with yourself to make progress in the desired direction. You don’t let them run loose by venting and emoting, and you also don’t stuff and deny them. And the heart of your emotional mastery is not leading the horses, but first, leading yourself. And again, most all of us hearing this right now are existing on the side of 1) Unfettered emotions: negative feelings running amok and overwhelming you, or 2) Imprisoned emotions: walled off, rejected, and ignored. Both sides are controlling you. Leading you. This is your chance to start understanding, leading, and mastering your emotions, and from that, your life. Here we go with 7 keys for emotional mastery and then the big action.

We continue our series on Emotional Power. In the last episode my guest expert was Dr. Julia DiGangi, a neuropsychologist who completed her residency at Harvard Medical School. Dr DiGangi is author of the new book, Energy Rising: The Neuroscience of Leading with Emotional Power, and we discussed How To Discover & Correct Your Self-Limiting Patterns. Today I brought Britt Frank back onto the show to go deeper with the discussion. I did a series on anxiety with Britt you can find starting back in episode 1197. Britt is a licensed neuropsychotherapist and trauma expert who is trained in IFS (Internal Family Systems) and SE (Somatic Experiencing). She is a speaker and an award-winning adjunct instructor at the University of Kansas, where she’s taught classes on ethics, addiction, and clinical social work. Her book which was the muse for our series together, is, The Science of Stuck: Breaking Through Inertia To Find Your Path Forward

We begin a series on Emotional Power. Everyday life happens around us. We judge it all by how we feel about it, and we naturally trust and believe our experience. My guest today however says it’s our emotions that are the final judge of all our experiences. Not fact. Not our logic. But our emotions. To take it further she cites, “The very meaning in your life is determined by the emotions you have about it.” And what you’re about to learn is you have perceptions and resulting patterns programmed into your mind that are influencing how you perceive life overall, good and bad. Of course it’s the bad patterns that are sabotaging you, and this is our focus today, as we can correct these patterns. My expert guest on the topic is Dr. Julia DiGangi. Dr DiGangi is a neuropsychologist, who completed her residency at Harvard Medical School, Boston University School of Medicine, and the US Department of Veterans Affairs, and she is the author of a new book called Energy Rising: The Neuroscience of Leading with Emotional Power. Dr DiGangi has nearly two decades of experience studying the connection between our brains and our behavior and has worked with leaders around the world including the White House Press Office and the US Special Forces. Dr DiGangi shows people—at work and at home—how to harness the power of the brain to lead more satisfying and emotionally intelligent lives.

I wrap up our series on…men. Manhood. I called it “The Place Of Man” because that seems to be the question these days…what is…the place of men? How should we view ourselves? We grew up with expectations that seem to have changed. Maybe for better. Maybe for worse. I think both. But I find more and more men who feel numb, ashamed, or just dissatisfied. And I could say floundering with who they are, but it may be just as much, who they feel they should be. I talked in depth with Connor Beaton, founder of ManTalks, an international organization focused on men’s wellness, success, and fulfillment, author of Mens Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom and host of the Man Talks podcast. Then part three was with my great friend Dr Randy James. We got deep on the issues we are experiencing as men, and what we see in the culture. Here then are four main highlights I found from our conversations and my own pondering within them. I’ll also share about an event I just returned from with 39 guys who did 40 miles of the Grand Teton Trail in one day.

We continue our talk on A Man’s Place and I titled the show, Are We Having Fun Yet? How To Enjoy Life & Not Merely Survive It. My catalyst was Connor Beaton, founder of ManTalks, an international organization focused on men’s wellness, success, and fulfillment, author of Mens Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom and host of the Man Talks podcast. Now I’m with Dr Randy James. Randy is truly my best friend and we’ve walked through life together for a good decade and a half. Randy and I started off discussing what the point is. When do we leave childhood and school and say, “Ok, I’m done having any fun and enjoying and experiencing this life, now I’ll just be responsible and devote the rest of my days to the grind of life.?” That sounds exaggerated, but are we living lives that our kids or young people would be inspired to pursue? No wonder kids aren’t leaving home soon these days. The point isn’t just to have fun. I’d argue that pursuing great purpose and fulfillment eclipses mere fun. But should we truly enjoy our lives? Solomon in the Bible said, and I paraphrase, “I tried it all, all variations of life, and t’s all vanity. Ultimately nothing is better for a man than that he should eat and drink, and that his soul should enjoy good in his labor. This also, I saw, was from the hand of God.” So Randy and I have a candid talk about work and family and responsibility and finding true joy and tending to our hearts and souls, as men, but the message is relevant to all.

I’m back with Connor Beaton. In the previous episode we talked about How To Embrace Manhood & Also Be Human, and in this episode we talk about what drives Connor personally. I start off with something he disclosed in his book, where he shared that an overall driving force for him is the reality that he has been abused, and he has abused. He has been hurt, and he has hurt and from this he discusses dark motivation and light motivation. So we dive deep quickly. Connor is founder of ManTalks, an international organization focused on men’s wellness, success, and fulfillment. He is a coach, facilitator, teacher, podcast host and speaker helping men from all over the world find purpose, a joy-filled life, and a confident self identity, as a man.

We are talking about men. For those who grew up as boys and now live as men, you were raised in a social construct that had certain expectations. Times have changed and evolved, and some of those expectations have changed, but our programming never did. The result is we find ourselves in a culture where men are often confused, frustrated, ashamed, and dissatisfied. And that’s not helping men, or anyone who comes into contact with them. This is not a call to masculinity. This is also not a call to immasculinity. It’s a call to be an authentic and confident human. My expert is Connor Beaton. Connor is the founder of ManTalks, an international organization focused on men’s wellness, success, and fulfillment. He is a coach, facilitator, teacher, podcast host and speaker helping men from all over the world find purpose, a joy-filled life, and a confident self identity, as a man. Connor has a no-BS approach coupled with compassionate understanding of our own human limitations.