In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes". Said Benjamin Franklin. What are death and taxes? Arguably, losses. What is trauma and tragedy? I submit they are losses. And I feel we generally go about our lives, day in and day out, trying to avoid losses. Hoping "that doesn't happen to me." And yet, it's going to happen. We will have a financial fall. We will have a once beloved relationship end. We will have a car wreck or house fire or disease. Almost 100% of people will agree it's wise to have money in savings, just in case. Why don't we have emotional understanding and strength in savings, for the loss that will come? My guest is Colin Campbell. On March 14, 2023 Colin and his wife were driving their car, both in the front seats. In the back were their two teenagers, Ruby & Hart. A woman who was driving drunk went through an intersection doing 90 miles per hour and never saw them or braked. She hit the car right at the passenger doors. And Ruby and Hart died that day, while Colin and his wife were able to walk away from the crash. What followed is the dramatic amount of grief you’d likely expect. Colin says, “I always believed, deep in my heart, that my life would just keep getting better and better.” Isn’t that all of us? Waking each day hoping and really expecting things to be ok, and we won’t get the dreaded call or have the accident ourselves. Now I sure don’t want to go about expecting tragedy. But, I have recently gone through the loss of my marriage and family home, two things I literally thought were impossible. I also have nine kids and multiple grandkids. I’ve lost my arrogance to think “that won’t happen to me” and my odds are plenty high that I’ll experience more significant loss. What can I be doing now, to be prepared? This is what Colin and I discuss in depth. Colin Campbell is a writer and director for theater and film. He teaches screenwriting at Chapman University and theater at California State Polytechnic University. Campbell’s highly anticipated solo performance piece titled Grief, will be performed in Los Angeles and New York City this year. His book that I got ahold of is called Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose. Before we get started, let me give you this quote from Colin, “A profound loss is when you lose someone, and I’d add, “or something,” that you feel is entwined intrinsically with your identity. In other words you define yourself partly in terms of this other person or thing.”

Who is the authentic you? Some people feel like they remember being an authentic self at some point, and I feel many never experienced it. But I feel we all long to just be comfortable being us. What does that look like? How does it feel? Following is a conversation I had with Dr Thema Bryant. Thema is a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Pepperdine University. She’s an ordained minister in the African Methodist Episcopal Church. She earned her doctorate from Duke University and completed her postdoctoral training at Harvard Medical School. In the world of academia and psychology she is royalty. When we recorded this conversation, Thema was president-elect of the American Psychological Association. She is now president. Other top psychologists look to her for guidance. Thema has half a million people following her on instagram because she is her authentic self. You’ll find her dancing and see her efforts in-play to decolonize traditional psychology and meld science, spirituality and faith, and our very humanity. Thema has a book called, Homecoming: Healing Trauma to Reclaim Your Authentic Self, and here we take a very base look at the real world issues and hope for today’s mental health desires. Find Dr Thema Bryant’s book Homecoming anywhere and everywhere, and connect with her at drthema.com.

I feel we are experiencing a schizophrenic time in our culture where we adamantly believe in our opinions and perspectives, but we have very little true belief in ourselves. We are increasingly insecure and fragile and thus offended and threatened by everything. People seem scared of other people and I’m concerned it belies an innate fear of themselves as well. I grew up entrenched in the Christian Bible which called us to “love our neighbor as ourselves.” But what if one does not…love themselves? Can we loathe ourselves and really love anyone authentically? In this podcast I sat down with Dr. Wendi Zimmer. Wendi is a #1 bestselling author, mindset expert, professor at Texas A&M University, educational consultant, and the owner of Learning Engaged. Wendi has her own story of struggling with imposter syndrome and self-doubt for many years. She ultimately developed a system to shift her mindset through a concept of self-belief and now spends her time guiding others to do the same. Her new book is titled, Force Continuum: How to Shift Your Mindset to Transform Your Life. A main structure that we walk and talk through is 1) Mindset - what do you want to believe about yourself? 2) Identity - How do you want to be seen? 3) Habits - what do you need to do to get what you want? and 4) Energy - what do you want to spend your time doing? I felt this was a very practical concept on auditing the key areas of our lives and tactfully addressing our mindset.

As you know I seldom talk about current events on this podcast. But a few years ago I did address one. It was the 2022 Oscars where actor Will Smith slapped comedian Chris Rock. I did not see it and didn’t pay much attention, but then I saw a public statement made by Andy Andrews that caught my attention. I’ve known Andy for some time and had him on the podcast here three or so times and been a guest on his podcast. I find him sober minded and insightful, so when he addressed the event, I took it as an opportunity to discuss the concept of our actions vs our intent. More on that in a minute. If you don’t know Andy, he is a multiple New York Times best seller with his book, The Traveler’s Gift selling many millions. He’s a highly sought for and highly paid speaker, he’s spoken for, by request, four different US Presidents. The New York Times cited Andy as “someone who has quietly become one of the most influential people in America.” I know Andy as someone many big influencers turn to for wisdom. He’s a sage of life changing lessons. So here we talk about the Oscar incident. I for one, feel that someone’s motive and intent behind an action should weigh in and be considered, and failure to do so is negligent. But regardless, many people take our actions at face value and the can have grave consequences. This is our discussion in this podcast. At the time this originally aired, Andy was launching a community called Wisdom Harbour, and I wanted to have a frank discussion on what he saw as primary cultural needs and from a business interest, why he created the Wisdom Harbour community in response to it. You’ll hear much of his answer is around cultural literacy, but I’m going to take you behind the scenes on why he crafted it the way he did. Find Andy anywhere, just search for Andy Andrews.

I breathe just to live. I walk to live. I eat, drink, and sleep to live. Is there a benefit to breathing more or differently than necessary? I walk more than necessary for my health and fitness and go so far as to run quite a bit. I don’t eat and drink more for my health but I eat better and drink better. I definitely sleep more than necessary for pure survival. So even though it’s never been a focus, it makes sense that the breathing I do to keep me alive might also give me a benefit if I did more than just the minimums to do so. Breathing brings oxygen into my body. More oxygen, more benefit. As you’re about to hear, the concept of breath and breathing is an incredibly frequent term in spirituality, appearing 137 times in the Bible alone, and it is not in reference to my physiology. In this podcast I sit down with Francesca Sipma, author of Unblock Your Purpose: Breathwork, Intuition, and Flow State. She is the founder and CEO of Mastry, an online app that guides you through breathwork sessions. Francesca is also the creator of HypnoBreathwork® and a renowned international speaker who has become one of the premier personalities and advocates for the power of breathwork. I found Francesca to be very down to earth and tangible with the concept of breathwork and I’m now a client of hers as well. As you will hear, I am very interested in a method I can practice to alter and enhance my physiology and psychology, without jumping through the hoops of drugs and even plant medicine. You can find her at FrancescaSipma.com and again, the app she created that I’m now using is Mastry.

We all know we have an inner voice, whether it speaks out loud, you write letters in your head like I do, or it’s just the constant stream of thoughts and feelings running amok at all times. A frequent directive is to shut the voice up or ignore it. One this is impossible, and two, that voice is there for a reason and the opportunity we all have is to harness it for our personal success. Ethan Kross is a PhD and one of the world's leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. Ethan is an award-winning professor at the University of Michigan and its Ross School of Business and is the director of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory. Ethan has participated in policy discussion at the White House and has been interviewed on CBS Evening News, Good Morning America, Anderson Cooper Full Circle, and NPR's Morning Edition. I brought him on the show after I got a hold of his new book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It. That tagline is the hook…why it matters and how to harness it. Not shut it up or out. Connect with Ethan at Ethankross.com

We all have a primary pattern of dealing with relational conflict. There are a scant few, in my experience, who do it with health and peace. The rest tend to fall into what psychologists have labeled, Fight, Flight, or Freeze tendencies. I’m not a fighter, and viewed myself as generally freezing in the moment of conflict, masked by thinking I was just being cool and calm, waiting for it to just end so I could take flight and remove myself. I thought I was valiant for my lack of fighting. Righteous and unshakable. And I thought I was protecting everyone, myself included. I did whatever it took to, choose your word: appease, placate, tolerate, or put up with. What I realize now is I was just being dishonest to myself and everyone, and while I thought I was being strong, I now view it as being incredibly weak. Again, dishonest. And what was really happening is I grew bitter and was slowly building walls with each brick of appeasing. The new term for this and what I now relate to, is Fawning. And this is the podcast today. I sat down with Dr. Ingrid Clayton who is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. She’s had a thriving private practice for more than sixteen years and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, where her blog “Emotional Sobriety” has had more than a million views. She has now come out with the first ever, commercial book on this concept of fawning, it’s titled, FAWNING: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find our Way Back. Fawning is a hallmark of codependency, and often occurs when we can’t fight or flee because we have to remain in relationship with the person or situation we are struggling with. It is highly relevant to why we stay in bad jobs, fall into unhealthy partnerships, and tolerate dysfunctional environments, even when it seems obvious to others we should go or take drastic steps to try and correct things. Ingrid says fawning can serve a purpose as an emergency adaptive strategy that protects us from losing connection with people we depend on, but it becomes a real problem when it turns from the emergency coping mechanism to compulsory in our day to day lives. The good news of course is we can break the pattern of chronic fawning once we see the trauma response for what it is. I was incredibly excited to talk with Ingrid and this conversation proved invaluable for me. I hope it will be for you as well, as my feeling is that most of us suffer from aspects of fawning in certain relationships and circumstances in our lives. Connect with Ingrid on IG @ingridclaytonphd and find the new book Fawning that is hitting bookstores now. Coming up next, my conversation with Dr Ingrid Clayton on the pervasiveness of Fawning and how to get out of this insidious trauma response.

The self-help and personal development world gives primary focus to increasing our performance so we can achieve greater successes in our lives. And it’s true we all are capable of more. Nobody is performing at their max capacity. But we won’t outperform the level of ability we believe about ourselves and all we have to go on is the proof of what we have and haven’t done thus far. It brings to mind Roger Banister breaking the four minute mile mark in running, which was deemed humanly impossible, but more importantly the four other runners who then did it within a year. All that changed is once they believed running a sub four minute mile was possible, they did it. Prior, they could not. Most of us are sitting where we are and desiring greater performance from ourselves but unable to see ourselves being at a higher level. If someone came along and ran a diagnostic test on us and said they had proof we could do and be more, I think we would in short order. To have a performance upgrade we need an upgrade to our identity. I’m bringing back a discussion I had with Anthony Trucks on the topic. Anthony is a former NFL Athlete, American Ninja Warrior on NBC, and prolific international speaker. And he knows difficulty. His mom gave him up to adoption at age three. He then spent three years in foster care amongst neglect and abuse before being adopted into an all white family. He made it to the NFL only to have an injury end his career and from there he spiraled down and lost…everything. His money, his wife to an affair, his children. Most people just don’t recover from so much. His identity was in the trash. But he did recover and now all that pain is the foundation of his platform for overcoming. His journey was one of giving focus to his identity and truly being able to see himself where he wanted to be, and this is the crux of his mission and message. He has a book called Identity Shift: Upgrade How You Operate To Elevate Your Life which contains some key principals I feel are revolutionary for all our efforts to upgrade our personal results. Find Anthony at https://www.anthonytrucks.com/ and check out his podcast, Dark Work Daily.

A few nights ago I watched The Matrix with four of my younger kids after one said she didn’t remember ever seeing it. A group of my older kids had gotten together to watch it recently as well. I’m talking the 1999 movie starring Keanu Reeves. It depicts a concept where most humans are inert and simply plugged into a computer program living pretend lives in a virtual construct. There is then a small clan of rebels who have escaped and are actually living in the tangible, real world. In the 26 years since the Matrix came out there have been many commentaries on The Matrix being real, in that we are all living a programmed and rather simulated life. Not a true, free, and authentic existence. What strikes me is that real or not, all the things we do in life are simply to feel a certain way. I ask you to ponder this with me a moment as we consider the things we are pursuing, and why.