I’m tempted to start by saying, “If you’ve ever gone through a significant transition…” but I’m not going to. I bet everyone listening has had something end that they didn’t choose, and chances are 99.9% that you didn’t come through unscathed. In this episode I’m going to share a message that has been a guiding light to me in recent, difficult times. Every week you tune in to hear me talk with an expert in Human Potential, usually with a new book that compiles their research. But I spend even more time reading and researching many experts who are no longer living. I’ve mentioned many times the idea of a “dead author” series. Today I’m going to do just that, share a message that has been profound to me and my life, from an expert who is no longer with us. William Bridges was an American author, speaker, and organizational consultant. He emphasized the importance of understanding transitions as a key for organizations to succeed in making changes. He says transition is the psychological process of adapting to change. But his last book was completely personal after the death of his wife and the book, The Way Of Transition: Embracing Life’s Most Difficult Moments was recommended to me by a recent guest after he found out about my own, current experience with transition.

Therapy gives much focus to our past, where modern day success coaching is focused primarily on the future. I advocated coaching and had no interest in the past. That is, until I realized I wanted to understand why I kept repeating the same patterns. Today I feel both are needed in order to better understand ourselves. In the field of positive psychology the idea is to look at your past, and while acknowledging the struggles and traumas, look at how they uniquely equip you to have strengths you would not have otherwise. And then, not just looking at what you want now. What else. But also, what is going right in your world this moment, not just what is going wrong or is missing. I’m revisiting the conversation I had with Niyc Pidgeon author, award winning positive psychologist, and high performance coach. I found Niyc to be an insightful and vivacious thought-leader who has had a profound impact on some big influencers, including Elon Musk. Niyc’s muse and the focus of her book, Now Is Your Chance, is what perspectives will enable us to continue instead of quit? How will we more healthfully in regards to our perceived commitments? I find Nycs perspective flying in the face of today’s negative media influences that are dragging much of the culture down and feel she gives us a breath of fresh air regarding how to find opportunities from our challenges. You can connect with Niyc at niycpidgeon.com

I’ve struggled with technology and conveniences and efficiency for a long time. All our human advancements with tech and now AI and such are promoted as if they will finally make everything better and us, happier. But I have not experienced any technological advance that has added to my happiness, and actually, I feel it’s done the opposite. How many people have experienced an electricity outage and have stories of how great it was. We get out candles, play games, and talk like we haven’t in ages. On a more grand scale, are all our advances that arguably make life better, resulting in more happiness? Not according to our constantly declining health stats. So if all the “betterment” efforts aren’t making us happy, why? And what will? My guest is Soren Gordhamer. Soren is the founder and host of Wisdom 2.0, the premier conference exploring living with greater mindfulness, wisdom, and compassion in the modern age. Soren brings the leaders of technology, literally the giants who most impact the world as we know it, together with leaders in wisdom to explore how we can create a truly livable world with greater presence, purpose, and connection in this digital age that feels more and more like chaos just speeding up. Soren's work focuses on a central question: as technology becomes ever more integrated into our lives, will it support human thriving and connection—or drive distraction and isolation? He's culminated what he's learned about the influence of tech and now AI into a new book, The Essential: Discovering What Really Matters in an Age of Distraction. I sat down with Soren to get candid on my feeling that all our advancements are not and will not make us happier, and in fact, will continue to add to our declining mental health. Soren sights AI in health as expectant to do great things, such as find a cure for cancer. But I ask that even with that, a cure for cancer, will that actually make us happier? Listen in to hear his response.

The two primary ingredients we think of in regards to success is talent and hard work. We tend to believe greatness comes from having above average talent and putting in your 10,000 hours. Yet if we audit everyone who has achieved relative success, we find many, maybe even most, do not have either of these. So what did they do? They just figured out what works and modeled it. Ron Friedman is an award-winning psychologist and from his research in neuroscience, human physiology and behavioral economics he wrote a book on what he found in regards to this issue, called Decoding Greatness: How the Best in the World Reverse Engineer Success. In this show I dig in and question Ron on how we can all use this reality to better embrace and accelerate our opportunities and success instead of thinking we have to be exceptionally talented or work the hardest.

We as humans tend to look at most everything with a linear perspective. Like every day and our lives are a straight trajectory that is either getting better or worse, depending on the day. We look at our desires as goals and work towards them sequentially, expecting to get closer every day on this so-called, straight line. My guest in this episode is a neuroscientist who believes this is an errant perspective and what our lives and pursuits really align with is experiments. Instead of sequential progress we are often starting over, again and again, till we get it right. I recall the TV series "Lessons in Chemistry," where the main character, Elizabeth Zott, perfected her lasagna recipe after making it 78 times. This wasn’t a linear goal, but an exercise in starting over 78 times, with more wisdom each time. For me this really helps with trying this and then trying that to see what works instead of pushing for one method and feeling like a failure if it doesn’t work. Dr. Anne-Laure Le Cunff, PhD, is a neuroscientist, entrepreneur, and writer whose work has been in peer-reviewed journals and WIRED, Forbes, Fortune, and Entrepreneur. Her new book is called, Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World and it’s a guide to adopting and living a more experimental life, turning uncertainty into curiosity, and carving a path of self-discovery.

This is not about working at your passions, or as my Dad, Dan Miller was famous for, finding the work you love. This is more about the tasks and activities you are engaging with in whatever work you are doing. Think about it like a football team. They are all playing football but they aren’t all playing the same position. So in the daily work you do, what position most excites you? What role are you most suited to fulfill? You could be working in a field that is a perfect fit for you, but you are in a role that is not. Conversely you could be working in a field you care nothing for, but in a role that is perfect for you. I’m bringing back a conversation I had with Jonathan Fields, host of the incredibly popular podcast, the Good Life Project. I’ve had Jonathan on my podcast multiple times and I just so appreciate his spirit and energy. He developed a test of sorts that will help you know what work role fits you best. Where you will be most inspired, or as he calls it, what sparks you? It’s free as well. Go to sparketype.com. As an example, my primary sparketype is Maker. I like to…make things. Build things. And while I build some physical things, most of my spark is in relation to building ideas. My second sparketype is Scientist, which is coming up with ways to make the idea happen. It then showcases what is not, my sparketype. This is not an excuse of what to do and what not to do, but to show you where you are best suited. For me, I continually strive to remain in the roles where I’m sparked, and delegate the other areas of my work to people who are sparked in them, and do a far greater and more efficient job. Again, you can take the test for free at sparketype.com and connect with Jonathan Fields at his podcast, the Good Life Project.

As you may have heard on previous episodes here, I’ve grown a distaste for the concept of validation. It seems everyone wants to talk about their feelings and perspectives and then claim their right to be validated, even if their feelings and perspectives are incredibly misguided and harming themselves and others. I began putting my focus on self-validation and fulfilling the need internally instead of looking to others. It turns out, I wasn’t totally off base, but I was missing out on an opportunity to connect with people. I found out by having a deep conversation with Dr. Caroline Fleck, which you are about to hear. Caroline is a licensed psychologist and a world-renowned expert on the topic of validation, and her new book Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life has already been translated in nine different languages. Caroline has an M.A. and PhD from the Department of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University and has become a highly respected voice in psychology which finds her featured in national media outlets, such as The New York Times, Good Morning America, and The Huffington Post. When I got the request to have her on the show, I replied back to her personally, sharing my reservations, and asked if she was game to discuss my skepticism on validation. She was, and I got great value and insight into what validation is and is not, and how I can better use it to authentically connect with people, even if I do not at all align or support their perspective. I believe you’ll find great value here. drcarolinefleck.com

I fervently believe there is no one answer. After a lifetime pursuing personal performance and human potential, I struggle with anyone who claims to have a so called solution for what it takes to transform us. But, are there principles? And can we gain understanding of core concepts that are nuanced from one person to another? This I do have faith in. So we’re going to talk with someone who has had a profound journey of personal transformation. Mitch Albom. Many know Mitch as the author of the book, Tuesdays With Morrie in which he shared a journey that radically changed who and how he was forever more. Since then he’s authored more books and shared more stories of transformation. Mitch is not just a best selling author. He’s royalty, having sold well over 40 million copies of his combined books. In this episode I bring back a discussion I had with Mitch about his book, The Stranger In The Lifeboat. Mitch gets billed as writing messages where the spiritual and the earthly collide, and I experience this strongly in The Stranger In The Lifeboat. I started our conversation simply talking about personal transformation. Mitch shares his own radical life change that resulted in the Tuesdays With Morrie book and in the 20+ years since then, his continual transformation has been his devotion. So what does it take to transform a life? Our lives? We got deep into the very tenets of faith and our cultural views of God, and our personal journeys. www.mitchalbom.com

My only family heirloom is my Dad’s 1960s stereo console he had at boarding school. As a kid my parents listened to the music of that time and I’ll always have a special place for the likes of Barbra Striesand, The Bee Gees, and James Taylor. Around the age of seven a family friend gifted me with a transistor radio and though I had a couple dogs, my best friend became music, and the love affair not only never ended, it continues to flourish. I’ve always felt music was more than just a mere accoutrement to life but had never dug into any psychological research. Until now. What you are about to hear I feel will elevate your utilization of music to improve your life. Sara Leila Sherman is my guest. Sara is a big name in the New York music scene. She’s a distinguished classical musician and a graduate of the Manhattan School of Music and has performed at Lincoln Center, Steinway Hall, Yamaha Artist Salon and all the impressive places. But it’s her interest in blending music and mindfulness that got my attention. Sara has pioneered innovative approaches that empower educators and parents to use music as a tool for mindful learning and personal growth. Sara is a music lover, from classical to pop. She grew up with a Dad, Mort Sherman, who loved music and ingrained Sara in its glory and power. Together they’ve written a book, Resonant Minds: The Transformative Power of Music, One Note at a Time. I brought Sara on to help understand why I’ve felt so much power and resonance in music. One aspect you’re about to hear is Sara’s research into how music engages all the parts of your brain, so it makes sense that when you feel emotions or have experiences accompanied by intentional music, it makes a bigger impact on you. That info alone was worth the conversation. But we covered…more. https://www.resonantminds.com/